For 4 years, I’ve been my mom's caregiver. She has old age dementia, a condition that takes many forms. However, unlike patients with Alzheimer's, she still recognizes faces and remains mentally sharp in some areas. Lucky me, my mother can still walk inside a home using a walker, and I can also care for her in my apartment for extended periods, so I can keep up with my own affairs.
Yet, I notice she has declined mentally and physically with each year. When we began, she walked unassisted on her walker, but now I take her to the bathroom and tend to walk beside her if she rises from her chair because if she loses her balance, she cannot catch herself and will fall. Four years ago, she got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom alone, which is now too dangerous. She can drink hot coffee from a mug, but has more spills. She can feed herself, yet is messier and won’t always finish her meals without help.
This brings me to today’s blog. I find myself ordering more and more tools to make our lives run more smoothly. I’ll list some of the smaller objects that help us stay tidy:
1) Qancesed Adult Sippy Cup (↑top of blog image) - A 12 oz size for cold drinks. If dropped, nothing spills through the straw. The lid will come off if thrown across the room, but not if the cup falls off a chair onto the floor. Yes, she tossed her cup across the room once, but after a lecture about taking care of her special cup, she hasn’t since.2) Aloufea 12 oz Stainless Steel Insulated Coffee Mug With Handle and Lid - For hot drinks, its lightweight and sturdy, and she likes handles. She can’t consistently remember to line her lips up with the lid hole (I don’t see that one coming!), which lets a bit of the coffee run out over the lid and down onto her clothing, so we don’t use the lid.
3) Helishy Gel Cushion for Long Sitting - I selected an extra-thick cushion to support her back in her living room chair or in the seat of her transport wheelchair. Placing the cushion behind her back in her chair helps her not to slouch but to have good posture for a stronger back. Moreover, no one can do much properly when slouching.
Next, let’s discuss my mom's staying in bed during the night instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. Her legs are strong, but her balance is unsteady, and I can’t stay awake all night to walk her to the bathroom. So I put a safety rail + barrier on the side of the bed she’s accustomed to rising from, so she doesn’t get up groggy to fall and hurt herself. And over my 4 years of caregiving, I’ve added 4 incontinence products to our repertoire: washable bed pads, adult pull-ups, adult nylon plastic pants, and booster pads. The booster pads, I didn’t know existed one year ago. The nylon plastic-coated pants look just like pajama bottoms. They make no noise, and paired with a t-shirt, she looks cute!
The idea is to keep my mom safe, clean, healthy, and as independent as possible, which also makes my job easier!
Usually, I’ll help my mom eat her dinner, but I've come up with 2 breakfast bowls she can eat by herself --
1) An omelette, diced: 2 scrambled eggs, 2 - 4 slices of smoked ham or smoked turkey, cheese, and a slice of whole grain bread (whole wheat or rye). Usually, I add a little bit of milk to soak the bread to make it easier to eat. A dash of garlic, nutmeg and pepper.
2) Oatmeal - 1/4 cup oatmeal flakes, milk, a handful of walnuts, chopped fruit (alternate: apple, banana, strawberries, blueberries, a peach, a pear, etc.), a tablespoon of peanut butter, sometimes a sprinkle of brown sugar or a drizzle of honey. A dash of nutmeg and cinnamon. My mother taught me that spices had health benefits. Sometimes I toss in a handful of Chex cereal for a crunchy texture.
She has one or the other nearly every morning, and I can make the beds, take a shower, and get dressed while she eats her breakfast.
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I got her an adult bib, but she doesn’t like it, so we simply use a tea towel. |
Caregiving for an elderly parent is very similar to caring for young children. You can’t lift an adult like a toddler, yet you can leave them alone to grocery shop and run errands. Caring for the very young or very old each has its unique challenges and ease, and stepping up for family is sometimes by trial and error. We learn as we go along and do the best we can with what we know at the time. Friends say my mom is looking good, and I know she’s happier living with me than in a nursing home. But what if my mother had no family? After 75+ years of paying taxes, our country should provide some benefits to the elderly. Meals and visiting nurse practitioners could keep many seniors in their own homes.
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