How To Make A Senior Feel At Home

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My senior Mom was an independent woman while my Dad was alive and I lived at home. Living alone in her senior years, she really held out for a very long time before she and I realized she needed my help to care for her. Up until 4 years ago, she cooked, cleaned, paid her own bills, and went out daily. She was a mover, a worker, an ever-ready bunny. She went somewhere every single day even if it was just to shop for groceries, or stock up on toiletries, or take mail to the post office. Then for her, it changed.

I am quite sensitive to how difficult it is when an independently-minded person can’t engage in her normal activities due to her physical and mental limitations. It can be very frustrating despite the Ward’s awareness that it is no longer mind over matter, and she is slowing down because, well, she got old. It’s not easy to depend on someone else to do the things you at one time did so effortlessly. She gets bored.

I don’t try to solve all my Mom’s issues as I can’t reverse time, nor entertain her every minute of the day. My magic power is to focus on what I can do which is to keep her sqeaky clean, safe and well-fed. My friends are also very kind. They visit and spend time with us. As much as possible, we include my Mom when we have coffee, lunches or dinners. We sit around and chat, and she mostly listens, yet feels included.

When the weather is balmy we take her to a park, or for a drive. Sure she falls asleep, but she loves to go places to see people. It’s how she lived her life when she was young.

In Manhattan I wheel her to the Steuben Day celebrations where there are lots of people dressed in dirndls and lederhosen who bend down to speak German with her. This makes the Party Girl very happy. Sometimes we buy a bratwurst or pretzel. Frankly, I never went before I began caring for my German Mother.

Every so often I tell her, “We’re family, or it’s Mama and Debra” -- a phrase I parrot from her). She would hate living in a nursing home, and I think from time to time, it’s good she hears me say, "I don't mind taking care of you.” Lightheartedly, nothing dramatic

After Mom wakes in the mornings, I let her linger in bed until she’s ready to rise. This also gives me a chance to drink my coffee alone before we get busy with grooming, dressing and breakfast. She is a late breakfast eater, so I plan accordingly. It’s the benefit of living at home, and not in a senior facility.

So far, so good. If my Mother were in a nursing home, I’d dislike making trips to the nursing home as much as she’d hate living in one. The two choices have different challenges, and you will be involved either way. Fortunately she doesn’t need skilled nursing care at the present time. Old age is her only pre-existing condition. 

Caring for my Mother makes me think about old age. Certainly, the USA needs a healthcare system overhaul so more seniors who wish it, could live at home. It would benefit our country to establish more at home support for the elderly and caregivers before we -- who are headed in the same direction -- become seniors. Who would favor spending your last days in a facility if you had the resources to stay at home? Seniors on Social Security and Medicare should have the choice. Unless tragedy strives, the day will come when that senior is you!

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