How To Make A Senior Feel At Home

Drive Medical accessories. We own all this stuff.

My senior Mom was an independent woman while my Dad was alive and I lived at home. Living alone in her senior years, she really held out for a very long time before she and I realized she needed my help to care for her. Up until 4 years ago, she cooked, cleaned, paid her own bills, and went out daily. She was a mover, a worker, an ever-ready bunny. She went somewhere every single day even if it was just to shop for groceries, or stock up on toiletries, or take mail to the post office. Then for her, it changed.

I am quite sensitive to how difficult it is when an independently-minded person can’t engage in her normal activities due to her physical and mental limitations. It can be very frustrating despite the Ward’s awareness that it is no longer mind over matter, and she is slowing down because, well, she got old. It’s not easy to depend on someone else to do the things you at one time did so effortlessly. She gets bored.

I don’t try to solve all my Mom’s issues as I can’t reverse time, nor entertain her every minute of the day. My magic power is to focus on what I can do which is to keep her sqeaky clean, safe and well-fed. My friends are also very kind. They visit and spend time with us. As much as possible, we include my Mom when we have coffee, lunches or dinners. We sit around and chat, and she mostly listens, yet feels included.

When the weather is balmy we take her to a park, or for a drive. Sure she falls asleep, but she loves to go places to see people. It’s how she lived her life when she was young.

In Manhattan I wheel her to the Steuben Day celebrations where there are lots of people dressed in dirndls and lederhosen who bend down to speak German with her. This makes the Party Girl very happy. Sometimes we buy a bratwurst or pretzel. Frankly, I never went before I began caring for my German Mother.

Every so often I tell her, “We’re family, or it’s Mama and Debra” -- a phrase I parrot from her). She would hate living in a nursing home, and I think from time to time, it’s good she hears me say, "I don't mind taking care of you.” Lightheartedly, nothing dramatic

After Mom wakes in the mornings, I let her linger in bed until she’s ready to rise. This also gives me a chance to drink my coffee alone before we get busy with grooming, dressing and breakfast. She is a late breakfast eater, so I plan accordingly. It’s the benefit of living at home, and not in a senior facility.

So far, so good. If my Mother were in a nursing home, I’d dislike making trips to the nursing home as much as she’d hate living in one. The two choices have different challenges, and you will be involved either way. Fortunately she doesn’t need skilled nursing care at the present time. Old age is her only pre-existing condition. 

Caring for my Mother makes me think about old age. Certainly, the USA needs a healthcare system overhaul so more seniors who wish it, could live at home. It would benefit our country to establish more at home support for the elderly and caregivers before we -- who are headed in the same direction -- become seniors. Who would favor spending your last days in a facility if you had the resources to stay at home? Seniors on Social Security and Medicare should have the choice. Unless tragedy strives, the day will come when that senior is you!

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5 Tips For Graceful Aging

Photos 1 and 2 Shutterstock, Photo 3 Dreamtime

Every so often I read a magazine called "Natural Awakenings," free at health food stores. The November 2024 issue has a good advice article I'll paraphrase ... 

5 Tips for Graceful Aging (By Dr. Jillian Finker - Finker Wellness) are:

1) Stay Active - Find an exercise you enjoy and do it regularly. Keeping active reduces the risk of needing a nursing home later in life.

2) Prioritize Nutrition - A balanced diet and proper hydration prevent strokes and overall aging. Eat real unprocessed food: whole grains and a variety of vegetables and lean meats and fish.

3) Take Supplements - Consult your doctor. Supplementing with vitamins, herbs, and minerals can help with deficiencies as we age. My note: My mother takes 5,000 iu daily of Vitamin D and my doctor said I should take 2,000 iu daily of Vitamin D. With our doctors' knowledge we also began taking a One A Day multi-vitamin again. Doesn't hurt, no proof we need it either. That's why we prefer an inexpensive over-the-counter multivitamin. No need to overdose or overspend.

4)  Get Outside And Connect - Social interaction extends life expectancy. "Soak up the sun" and spend time with family and friends.

5) Release Your Fears - Make peace with your mortality and seek guidance from therapists and pastors to ease end-of-life fears.

My two cents:

It's inevitable that as we age, our lives get smaller, but it doesn't have to mean meaningless. Many people must slow down after the age of 85. It's a perfect time for hobbies to replace work and to be grateful for family and friends. 

Tree of Life - Carla Bank

My German immigrant mom was always a businesswoman, and daily I see how much more difficult her life is without hobbies. What's more, she no longer has the dexterity in her fingers to resume skills she learned as a girl like knitting, sewing, and crocheting. Once I'm her age, I hope my intellectual curiosity and a healthy pair of eyes keep me stimulated to save me from hours of boredom. Life can indeed throw us a cure. Worsening eyesight makes reading more difficult for some seniors. 

Still, let's commit to doing as much as we can for as long as we can!

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Damask Rose Body Wash

Lately, I've been addicted to the scent of roses. Nowadays, I help my senior mom with her bath, and I try to find mild organic or near-organic products to pamper her senior skin. We need pampering at every age! 

Samui Damask Rose Body Wash is a T.J. Maxx find I also sampled on my skin. I put a squirt in her bathwater and a dab on a washcloth for my shower. Love it! She loves it too!! Ultra moisturizing, it's supercharged with sensational-smelling Rosa Damascena flower extract, and it contains gentle, moisturizing cleansers like glycerin, aloe barbadensis leaf juice, and hydrogenated caster oil.  

If the ingredients continue to play nice with mom's skin, I'd like to replace the Aloe Wash I buy for her from a medical supply company with Damask Rose Body Wash since it's only $7.99 for 33.8 fluid ounces instead of $12+ for only 8 fluid ounces of Aloe Wash. Whenever you buy products made for seniors the cost is jacked up 3-fold or more! Plus, I adore huge sizes of stapes that last a long time before they end up as empties. With a fancy floral scent to boot, we can't go wrong!

A wrinkle in my plan is I can't find other merchants who sell the Samui brand I just discovered at TJM, so I returned to the store to buy a 2nd bottle. After we use them I may need to find competitors that make Damask Rose Body Wash.

So stock up, all my rose-scented-loving readers of moisturizing body wash while supplies last at TJM of the Samui brand in this big bargain size! 

Other rose-scented beauty products I saw in the beauty aisles (but didn't buy since I didn't need them) include:

Click to read brands of products.

The love of roses is on right now at T.J. Maxx, where you can save and splurge simultaneously. You can't beat the sweet floral scent or the prices to bring it home!🌹 

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Old Navy's Sweater Dress Is Perfect For A Breezy Home

My mom lives in a warm house but due to high ceilings, it can get a little chilly in winter. Old Navy's Sweater Dress is perfect to wear during the colder months so her home's thermostat doesn't have to rise above 72 degrees F, keeping her gas and electric bills reasonable (though not cheap).

In her senior years, too many layers can get too heavy and cumbersome, restricting her moments or causing her to fall. This is a one-piece, knitted dress that wraps around her like a soft warm sweater. It's 56% cotton, 25% polyester, and 16% nylon. I bought her the dress last year in a light tan color and hoped Old Navy would bring it back this year in new colors ... which they did! She loves wearing shades of red, so I ordered her dress in cherry bark.

I highly recommend buying clothes for seniors at Old Navy, and unless there's a medical reason, skip those senior apparel websites. They tend to be greatly overpriced and unfashionable. If you dress old in garments resembling sweats and pajamas, you start to feel ancient and feeble. My mother likes fashion and wants to maintain the same dignity she had at ages 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, etc. 

Old Navy offers cute comfortable clothing that looks appropriate for every decade of a person's life. The sweater dress isn't too loose or skin-tight, but just right to flatter most body types. Moreover for everybody, they are easy to put on and take off, as well as, to care of by machine washing and drying them.

With a promotion code, I just spent $22 on her new lovely durable sweater dress. It sure beats paying $70+ for a sweats-pajama-house dress that nobody ever called fashionable!

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Dresses For A Senior Mother

Are you surprised by my choices? For a moment let's think outside the box. 

Today I'll post the dresses I bought for my elderly mom over the span of 2 1/2 years. The top 4 dresses are my latest purchase for her. She requested sleeves. She likes pink when available. Florals are lovely on her too. In the above image, 3 of the dresses are $12 and the pink gauze dress is $17, so steals at Old Navy this week!

Here are the 6 Features I Look for in Selecting Dresses for my Senior Mother:

1) Easy to slip on and off

2) Easy to machine wash and dry

3) Soft fabrics - I like cotton, linen, rayon, or a blend of these cool textiles for spring and summer. A little spandex is fine. She also has a part wool, part rayon knit dress for winter. 

4) She prefers loose clothes, so I usually order her a size large. Although my mother isn't large in weight or stature, the large size often fits her upper body better, the reason is a mystery to me.

5) Dress lengths that won't trip her  - At Old Navy, I must judge whether to order her dresses in petite or regular. She is petite in pants, yet ON dress styles aren't consistent in sizing. The 4 dresses at the top of the blog are called mini swing dresses, therefore I ordered her the dresses in regular as opposed to petite sizes, with the anticipation they'll fit her slightly above her knees -- not as the minis shown in the photos. If I'm wrong ON offers free returns or exchanges.

6) Cuteness - My mother is a chic dresser. Her style has become more casual as she's gotten physically less flexible and moves with less ease. I do my best to meld pizzazz with easy-to-wear and carefree fashion.

Frequently clothes made expressly for seniors look dowdy and old-fashioned or like bedclothes. Their greater cost is also puzzling. 

There's absolutely no reason for an elderly woman (1) to look frumpy, (2) to adorn ill-fitted clothes (3) to sport clothes resembling pajamas and slippers, or (4) to pay significantly more moola for them than younger women.

Crinkle Gauze Mini Swing Dresses - Also in hot pink, amber, black, and light blue.

Just like my clothes, my mother's dresses can be dressed up or down, and for the price of one dress at a senior apparel shop, at Old Navy, we brought an entire wardrobe of more attractive everyday dresses to wear over all 4 seasons!

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J. Crew Factory For Less

 

Nowadays you don't have to live near a physical plant to shop there and it's a good thing that can save us money on a few essentials, not to mention expand our choices of goods!

My senior mom needs a few basics so I ordered her a neutral-colored 100% cotton cardigan and several 100% cotton colorful t-shirts from J. Crew Factory, where apparel goes after it gets pulled from J. Crew stores, usually reduced by 40% - 50%. Half-price or nearly so rocks, and it doesn't get much cheaper at this retailer.

I selected a navy blue sweater for versatility and 5 t-shirts in hot pink and vivid blue. 

The retailer is on a Better Cotton mission to help cotton communities survive and prosper while protecting and restoring the environment. Therefore 30% of the fabric of its garments is made using re-imagined sustainable cotton. 

Perfect for the chill of spring and fall, mom's cardigan is lightweight yet a substantial knit, well-made, and super soft. A classic silhouette, it's not too boxy or tight, and the fit is true to size -- thankfully as I wanted to avoid exchanges. Customer reviews are a helpful guide on size.

Just what I envisioned for her and she loves both the sweater and t-shirts. They match her navy activewear cotton trousers! My first online purchase from J. Crew Factory got the job done without breaking the bank! The merchant's basics are flattering for women of all ages!

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Getting A Senior To Eat Her Meals

I could've called today's blog getting wards to eat their meals since the effort of getting good nutrition into the bellies of children can be just as challenging. Sometimes they don't want to eat balanced meals either.

Before my mom needed my help with her life she was an excellent home cook and ate just about everything. Now that she has aged she's a much pickier eater and at times won't eat vegetables, potatoes, bananas, untoasted bread, apples ... the list keeps growing longer! This evening she refused to take a bite of spinach. She won't eat carrots anymore, and I'm a stickler for making sure she consumes enough protein. 

Health care experts cite a myriad of reasons why seniors become finicky eaters. Sometimes it could be dental problems or perhaps their ability to taste food diminishes. My German mother still loves her bratwurst and knackwurst, therefore I doubt in her case, the reason for refusing soft vegetables is dental issues. Moreover, she's a late riser who must drink 3 cups of coffee after she wakes up before she'll consider eating any breakfast.  

Somehow I must make all my mom's personal quirks and refusals work in her favor. How do I do it? Well ... I'm not above trickery.

First I trick her into eating her breakfast while she drinks her 3 cups of coffee with milk. With 3 cups of coffee, she drinks what amounts to a cup of milk every morning, which gives her 8 grams of protein and calcium. Along with it, I serve her a 21-gram low-sugar protein bar to nibble on as she downs her coffee; and I give her dry Life (cinnamon flavored) cereal that I tell her is a food called Cinnamon Crispies.:) As she always asks for cookies while drinking her last cup of coffee, I spread 2 tablespoons of peanut butter in between 2 Digestives (or 2 graham crackers, choosing the lowest sugar grams I can find) every morning. As far as I'm concerned, it's another 8 grams of protein, the same amount a person gets by eating a peanut butter sandwich! So breakfast can be checked off at 36 grams of protein with some fiber. This leads to a subsequent problem to solve ...

As you might guess, after a late riser eats a late breakfast she's not hungry at midday, so wants to skip lunch. So how do you stop late risers from omitting lunch altogether? Naturally the answer again is ... trickery!

I resort to Greek Yogurt Sundaes, a combination of 1 - 1.5 cups of Greek Yogurt that I mix with fresh and canned fruit: whatever I have on hand, such as pineapples, peaches, pears, grapes, banana (yes, I sneak in 1/2 banana!), blueberries (other berries when you have them) and topped off with a scoop more of Greek yogurt along with 1/4 cup or so of diced almonds, pecans, and walnuts; plus dark chocolate chips. A drizzle of locally grown honey helps too (we have a beekeeper friend). Dark chocolate chips are indispensable for your covert operations! You must outsmart them, or the gig is up.

It's best not to make food a battle. If all else fails gently push the dairy (protein) and fruit (vitamins and fiber)! Seniors need more protein, not less. Currently, the recommended dietary allowance for women 70+ years old is 0.36 grams for each pound of body weight or 46 grams of protein for a 130-pound woman. I serve skim milk with meals without asking. My mom can have fruit juice in-between meals if she asks for it. Luckily mam'ma eats nuts, which I give her for snacks also. Nuts have many benefits for old people, including they are good for their brains and hearts.

  

Eating right is the first and most effective medicine. I do my best to keep my mom healthy by limiting her sugar, increasing her protein and fiber, and mixing up the foods she eats. But!! Whoever said the ends don't justify the means never had to get the very young or very old to eat their meals. Niccolò Machianvelli agrees with me! Brazen, unabashed, fragrant, trickery ... it's what's for dinner!!😁

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