How To Make A Senior Feel At Home

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My senior Mom was an independent woman while my Dad was alive and I lived at home. Living alone in her senior years, she really held out for a very long time before she and I realized she needed my help to care for her. Up until 4 years ago, she cooked, cleaned, paid her own bills, and went out daily. She was a mover, a worker, an ever-ready bunny. She went somewhere every single day even if it was just to shop for groceries, or stock up on toiletries, or take mail to the post office. Then for her, it changed.

I am quite sensitive to how difficult it is when an independently-minded person can’t engage in her normal activities due to her physical and mental limitations. It can be very frustrating despite the Ward’s awareness that it is no longer mind over matter, and she is slowing down because, well, she got old. It’s not easy to depend on someone else to do the things you at one time did so effortlessly. She gets bored.

I don’t try to solve all my Mom’s issues as I can’t reverse time, nor entertain her every minute of the day. My magic power is to focus on what I can do which is to keep her sqeaky clean, safe and well-fed. My friends are also very kind. They visit and spend time with us. As much as possible, we include my Mom when we have coffee, lunches or dinners. We sit around and chat, and she mostly listens, yet feels included.

When the weather is balmy we take her to a park, or for a drive. Sure she falls asleep, but she loves to go places to see people. It’s how she lived her life when she was young.

In Manhattan I wheel her to the Steuben Day celebrations where there are lots of people dressed in dirndls and lederhosen who bend down to speak German with her. This makes the Party Girl very happy. Sometimes we buy a bratwurst or pretzel. Frankly, I never went before I began caring for my German Mother.

Every so often I tell her, “We’re family, or it’s Mama and Debra” -- a phrase I parrot from her). She would hate living in a nursing home, and I think from time to time, it’s good she hears me say, "I don't mind taking care of you.” Lightheartedly, nothing dramatic

After Mom wakes in the mornings, I let her linger in bed until she’s ready to rise. This also gives me a chance to drink my coffee alone before we get busy with grooming, dressing and breakfast. She is a late breakfast eater, so I plan accordingly. It’s the benefit of living at home, and not in a senior facility.

So far, so good. If my Mother were in a nursing home, I’d dislike making trips to the nursing home as much as she’d hate living in one. The two choices have different challenges, and you will be involved either way. Fortunately she doesn’t need skilled nursing care at the present time. Old age is her only pre-existing condition. 

Caring for my Mother makes me think about old age. Certainly, the USA needs a healthcare system overhaul so more seniors who wish it, could live at home. It would benefit our country to establish more at home support for the elderly and caregivers before we -- who are headed in the same direction -- become seniors. Who would favor spending your last days in a facility if you had the resources to stay at home? Seniors on Social Security and Medicare should have the choice. Unless tragedy strives, the day will come when that senior is you!

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Getting A Senior To Eat Her Vegetables

Photo: Cooking Perfected

Hey, mothers of young children, you are not alone! Suddenly in October, my elderly mom started refusing to eat vegetables. If I put a small portion of peas, carrots, or green beans on a dinner plate she ignores them. Then she got picky with fruit and refuses bananas, apples, peaches, and oranges ... all foods she ate all her adult life. She'll agree to 3 strawberries or a few grapes, maybe a spoonful of blueberries. Forget about mango, romaine lettuce, or avocado.

Well, I refuse to fight daily with a senior to eat her vegetables ... and I'm sorry but for her own good, she must eat a balanced diet that covers every food group. Real food + variety = good nutrition = staying healthy. I have to win this war against a refusal to eat vegetables without making it a daily battle.

So two weeks ago I started making her smoothies for lunch. Most days it's working. She's eating spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, carrots, butternut squash, bananas, apples, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, and pineapple again. She just doesn't know it.

Basic Smoothie for one:

Ingredients:

1 cup skim milk

1/2 cup Greek yogurt (plain or vanilla)

1/2 cup berries (I alternate: either strawberries or blueberries)

1/4 cup nuts (I alternate between almonds, walnuts, and peanuts - or a tablespoon of peanut butter works.)

1 small banana (adds sweetness and potassium)

a handful of spinach

alternate a vegetable (see below👇)

1/2 cup of canned no-sugar-added fruit cocktail 

A drizzle of honey if needed

I select a different fruit or vegetable to add each day from the following list -- alternate and use whatever you have in the refrigerator. Mix it up over the course of a week:

1/4 cup carrots

A wedge of cooked butternut squash

1/4 cup of cooked unsalted green beans

1/4 cup cooked unsalted peas

1/4 cup of cooked California mix - broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots

1/4 cup pineapple chunks

1/2 peeled green apple

a small orange

BTW: If your ward needs a carbohydrate you can also toss 1/4 cup of oatmeal into a smoothie. My mother eats multi-grain toast and oat crunch cereal for breakfast so I don't add oatmeal to her smoothies. You can also pour in a splash of fruit juice for sweetness or to make the smoothie thinner if necessary. 

Directions: 

Toss everything into a blender and puree. Pour into a tall glass. Top with a drizzle of honey, or another splash of fruit juice to achieve a drinkable consistency. Eyeball it.

Last March (2022) when I started overseeing her meals I set 3 main goals. 1) lots of protein; 2) a variety of real food - meat, fruits and vegetables, plus whole grains over the course of a week; 3) low sugar in her diet. 

Sweets are a treat, not a staple. I think we can learn to like healthy foods just as much as junk food. Whatever our palettes are fed is what we enjoy eating. I ask reoccurring visitors intent on bringing treats to please bring her grapes, an orange, or bananas, not cookies and candies. 

We stock dark chocolate -- bars and dark chocolate chips (12-ounce bag), and she eats a serving most days. There are also special occasion treats like Christmas cookies, a slice of birthday cake, or an ice cream cone. Halloween candy once a year. Nothing mindless though.

My mother doesn't need cholesterol or blood pressure drugs, so if we can avoid various conditions with a healthy diet we're better off than having to treat them. We love her primary care physician, Dr. Jackson! He is thorough without being an alarmist. He took care of his own elderly father, and I can run any concerns by him that arise. He endorses Carnation Instant Breakfast for people who won't eat meals. We are on the same page.

Whether we need to get a fussy senior or a child to eat a variety of healthy food, we have to get the job done without making our own lives crazy. Milk, yogurt, fresh or canned fruit, and a blender are your best friends. Voilà protein, vitamins, and fiber in a glass! Into the piehole and down the hatch!!

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